lookingforlight's picture

divorce when you have a step child

Hi I decided to join the forum because I am at my wits end at what to do with my life. I really want a divorce and am so unhappy in my marriage but I'm scared to loose a lot of time with my daughter. My husband is very controlling and gets angry if i don't do what he says and hates it when I disobey him he's also been verbally abusive calling me selfish when I say I want to sleep instead of engage in sexual activity, he s also talked about doing things with other women. My worry is that I have no proof but I'm not a perfect parent and he has security cameras that he watches us through and I'm not sure who's favor thats in.

One of my biggest issues is my step daughter he has stated in the past that he would treat me differently if I was more affectionate towards her. But for me this is hard to do because she is constantly bulling my daughter she hits her tells her to shut up, calls her dumb, dumb baby and recently she has started calling her a bitch. my bio daughter still loves her tho despite the bullying. If I do get a divorce I'm wondering if my step Childs treatment towards my biological child will effect custody.
his daughter is 7 and the child we have together is 4

ESMOD's picture

I doubt the treatment by the

I doubt the treatment by the SD will impact custody. Your best bet is to consult with a competent family law atty to see what is a likely outcome in your case with all the variables taken into account.

Certainly if you have any proof of your DH being abusive in any way.. texts, voicemails etc.. preserve them. Your lawyer can give you the best strategy.

lookingforlight's picture

he has a lot of experience

he has a lot of experience with the court system so he knows not to says anything mean through text so I don't really have proof and the judges where I live all know and like him

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

Get a good lawyer and

Get a good lawyer and RUN.

Try getting records / recordings of what you can but this is not a safe setting for you or your child.

Some days are hard but you just fight through them to get to the good ones.

lookingforlight's picture

I don't know if I can its one

I don't know if I can its one of the cameras that connects to his phone

Disneyfan's picture

CHILDREN LEARN WHAT THEY

CHILDREN LEARN WHAT THEY LIVE.

Your SD treats your daughter the same way her father treats you.

Stay with that jack ass of a man and your daughter will learn the same lessons your SD has learnt.

"Some of you nonstepparents should have disclaimers in your signature lines. Disney isn't a SM any more, but her's could read, "Was a SM. That shit is for the birds! I don't hate all SMs, though. I'm cool."" LadyFace

still learning's picture

I'm so sorry you're going

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Please be careful and if you do take any action do it discreetly. Your husband sounds like he's that type that will come unhinged if he knows you're filing. If you have family that can help let them help you.

I do suggest counseling to help you get through this situation and so that all of this can be documented by a professional.

And now I'll do what's best for me.

Aniki's picture

Your "DH" is abusing you and

Your "DH" is abusing you and your SD is abusing your daughter.

Please care more about your daughter and how this is affecting her physically and mentally. Document everything and see a lawyer ASAP.

I decided to stop reaching out. It's just asking to get my hand slapped. ~Aniki

The juice ain't worth the squeeze. ~SourGrapes

Shun her like an Amish chick who got caught wearing a thong. ~Echo

lookingforlight's picture

I can remember everything

I can remember everything he's done for the most part but I don't have any official proof because I don't even think about it until after it happen because some of the stuff I go through is just ridiculous but he has video footage of everything I've done. I'm so scared to leave but I don't want my daughter to see how miserable I am

Rags's picture

Get an attorney today and

Get an attorney today and prepare to nail this assholes testicles to the wall in court. Take him for everything and do what you can to protect your daughter from the shallow and polluted end of her gene pool.

Dont tolerate this crap. Go on the offensive.

Good luck.

A parent is an example, mentor, confidante, advocate and disciplinarian, not a buddy.-Rags
If you can't listen and learn then you will have to feel.-WLR
If you want to be a part of my life then use your head or STFU and do what you are told.-Rags

lookingforlight's picture

thing is I dint hate him well

thing is I dint hate him well maybe a little I just thing he's very controlling and has a lot of pride and I think that will get in the way of doing whats best for her which would be for her to live with me most of the time